did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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