I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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