She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
