And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
