i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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