Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
