Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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