YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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