when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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