so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
