my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
