If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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