Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize