Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
