How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
