sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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