so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
