remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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