Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize