For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When did we convert life to cartoon?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize