lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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