One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We left the knife in your bed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
