We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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