R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
