susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
