well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
