Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
