You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
