I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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