I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
