Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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