she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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