I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize