i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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