Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
