Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
