In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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