Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
