the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
