It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
