I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i already hear my dad disowning me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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