Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
