I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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