I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
