Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
