also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
