I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
