Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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