he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
