So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And then my night got REAL pukey
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
