Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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