Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
