apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
