She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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