Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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