What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
