who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
