I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
