I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
