ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
