Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
