um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
