you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I've blown a few things in my day
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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