Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this boner is exhausting
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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