I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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