Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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