all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
