We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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