he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
