I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
