Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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