You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
