dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
whose parrot is this?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
