my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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