bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
