Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
