my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How's work?
Spinning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
