They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
