Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
