Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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