Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize