dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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