All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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