i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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