Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
