I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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