i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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