Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
