Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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