She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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