Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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