glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
