Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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